Legitimate Kid by Aida Rodriguez

Author:Aida Rodriguez [Rodriguez, Aida]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: HarperCollins
Published: 2023-10-17T00:00:00+00:00

Señorita Gone Wild

The night I decided to have sex for the first time I made the decision at a fraternity party in Tallahassee while ordering a drink—a Malibu and pineapple punch. I wasn’t supposed to be there. I was a minor, and I could have caused the program that I was in big problems. But I was away from home, in a reckless mood, feeling I was in charge of myself, and I wanted to do some wild stuff. I was growing up and I was changing. I had spent my entire life being told to be a good girl and to me that meant not being myself. It meant being performative and fake and pretending to be something I was not. I was a good human being and I always tried to do the right thing, but this idea that I could do no wrong was heavy and unrealistic. At the end of the day, I was just a person like everyone else. What I also found disingenuous was being told to do everything right by people who were always doing everything wrong. I just wanted to live my life and have my experiences without unrealistic expectations hanging over my head.

I was making out with my boyfriend for months and having these feelings that I couldn’t explain. I wanted more but felt shame at the same time. I would stop myself from being touched because I wanted to keep my virginity intact. That hymen was where my value was, or at least that was what I was constantly being told by my mom and grandmother. It was actually the one attribute that they most pointed out about me. It came before any of my other accomplishments. The honor roll, debating the future second lady Tipper Gore, starting my own nonprofit—none of it mattered more than me being a virtuous young lady.

But at the party, I made my decision, even if only in my mind. I was ready to give up the entire title of “La Señorita.” That was how my family referred to me. I just wanted to enjoy life and be a regular girl. I wanted to go out, have fun, party, and experiment. Sex was something that I really wanted to do. I had mixed feelings about it since I knew what it was. And honestly, being molested as a kid had awakened the conflict of wanting to do something that was natural and feeling terrible about it at the same time. Dillan didn’t put that much pressure on me, though. He thought it would happen when it was supposed to. Plus, I am sure he was having sex with other girls. He definitely compartmentalized us: I was his girlfriend and future wife; the others were groupies and side chicks. There were levels in that too. Some were just for sex, others were for conversation, and some were hybrids. I listened in on many of the conversations he had with his teammates and friends. I knew what was going on, but I pretended that I didn’t.

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